Nothing is visible with no one to look
by LexiphanicRiette
Summary: He knew that when he was here he was an entirely different person. His demeanour changed, and had he had anyone to look closer in these moments they would have noticed something. But he was glad there wasn't anyone. blangst. One-shot? father problems. Blaines stream of thoughts.


He wondered if it was visible. Did people notice?

He didn't think any of the kids at McKinley did. But he didn't blame them, there wasn't really anything to notice when he was there. He was a quite normal gay teen, just like any other.

And that was okay, that was how it was supposed to be. Because when he was there, at McKinley, Kurts place or home with his mom, he honestly was okay. And he wasn't going to claim that he is not okay now either. He was just a more disheartened kind of okay.

He was walking towards his destination, efficiently, without a sound and with a bitter sweet smile on his face.

It didn't seem like any of the unknown faces passing him noticed anything.

And why should they? He would appear to be a normal teen going god knows where, and the bitterness of his smile was easily lost for them.

Though, still, he knew that when he was _here_ he was an entirely different person. His demeanour changed, and had he had anyone to look closer in these moments they would have noticed something.

But he was glad there wasn't anyone.

He felt like it was all a part of a movie in this moment, in this part of his life. With him playing the main role. But, despite this focus this movie brought to this, how immense it appeared, it only affected those who saw the movie. And people didn't. It all seemed so insignificant, this movie.

It wasn't a secret. He didn't keep it a secret. When people asked, he answered. But, people never dared to ask more, dig deeper. And, in the end, that was for the best, because he knew they wouldn't get it, not entirely. There were too many cracks they could fall into, to many illusions they could get of him and this situation which were far from the truth. He would rather they didn't know, than get it wrong.

And, in the end, it was what divided these lives, and that was what he needed. Yes, this sucks, it's horrible and he shouldn't have to endure it. But no, it doesn't keep him up at night, it hasn't scared him in ways he will curse as he grows older.

So honestly, when he isn't here he doesn't think of it, he doesn't feel the need to talk about it and he worries about things any other gay teen does.

And while he _was_ here, it still wasn't horrible. There was food. He had to make it himself, and it wasn't high quality though there _was_ enough food. While here, he was uncomfortable and always alarmed though there was a bed to sleep in, and a roof above his head**.**

The physical part of it all was easy enough to endure. He has no reason to complain, and he didn't. It wasn't bad, and compared to others he had it good.

And, I'm aware you probably won't believe this. You'll think he keeps it all locked up, like he is in denial. But really, the few slaps and the rough physical treatment couldn't have bothered him less. The comments? The name calling? It doesn't stand a chance against him.

And this is yet another reason he finds it a good thing most of his friends are in the dark.

Pity and sympathy isn't horrible, and he doesn't mind, as long as he feels he gets it for ligament reasons.

"Where are you going?" They ask. They see him carrying an extra bag and it's close to polite small talk. And of course he doesn't mind.

"I'm going to my father" He answers, not with a blank look, but a look they choose to read as a bit of an irritated look. Like he has better things to do, but 'whatever'.

"Oh, so your parents are divorced?" They ask, he sees slight surprise in their eyes, and their tone are sad. Pitiful. Like his parents' divorce isn't the best thing which has ever happened to him. And, don't they realise that most divorces are for the best? That, both for those who have complete assholes as father, as him, and those with loving parents divorce is better than living in a tension filled and uncomfortable house.

"Yes, and that's for the best," he answers with a grin. And he realises that some part of him does want to share pieces of this other part.

But they don't ask. Like it would make him sad and hurt him by asking. And he knows it's for the best, because they won't understand. It's better that they look at him with an ignorant look, then with misplaced pity or disbelieve like he blows it all up. Makes it bigger than it is. Or they would make it bigger than he felt it was.

Once, in glee club, they'd somehow come in on the subject of their parents occupation.

"My mom works as a physiotherapist" He'd said. And it appeared like they would leave it like that. But Tina asks "But what about your father?" And he already knows that when he tells them, they will think he avoided it because he was ashamed. Because it made him feel bad.

"Oh, he doesn't have any work." He says it nonchalantly, because that is how he feels about it despite what they believe, and their looks are already filled with guilt. And he sighs, because he knows there wasn't a way to avoid it. Had he said it without anyone asking, the looks would still contain the pity though with a dash of mistrust, like the pity was what he was aiming at.

And he doesn't bother to explain, he doesn't say that despite the lack of 'child support' to his mother from his father, his father's problems don't bother him.

He makes a turn left and he knows he's close, another mile left maybe?

He grins, still full of bitterness, when he feels the winds taking a hold of the curl he hadn't bothered gelling and the steady beat of more, powerful, music echoes through his headphones. Had anyone told him 'they felt like they were in a movie' he'd just grin and shake it off. But this really was an intense feeling.

He already felt tired, worn out. That's what these visits did to him. The psychological part of it all wore him out. He felt exhausted before they even begun. He doesn't need to prepare. He already knows it. The discussions of his fathers twisted opinions while he is preparing their food. The screaming when he disagrees. The silence when they sit in the living room watching whatever his father wants to while the darkness stretches across the night sky. The constant insults he brushes of.

Then the next day when his father is happy and acts pleasantly, the nonstop flow of words he has become an expert on ignoring, though acting and adding comments like he is paying attention.

And the fights when his mother is picking him up. The bribes to make him stay, the angry insults now directed to his mother. He has to wrench himself out of his father's grip to get out of the door.

And he feels so exhausted.

Kurt once asked him why he went back every other week, but with a tone like he already knew. And that's when he gets that Kurt really hasn't gotten it yet, at all. Because he doesn't miss a father figure. He doesn't love his father. He doesn't wish he could love his father. He doesn't come back because he feels obligated to.

He comes back, because those times he hasn't his father has come to them, thrown things at the house, screamed through the neighbourhood. And that breaks the barrier he has between these two different lives. And all in all, it is less troublesome to go than not to go.

And his father had always been that way. The screaming started before he was born. The busts of anger had always been going on and countless toys had been crushed like that.

But he is not angry with Kurt. Because he wants Kurt to understand, and he knows he can with a little time. So he'll talk, he'll explain, because Kurt knows him. He knows he won't make it bigger than it is, he will believe him and with time he will understand.

He sees the house, like any other house in the neighbourhood, when his music pauses and the 'pling' of an incoming message fills its place.

It's a simple smiley, and Blaine imagines it on Kurt's face, a bit bittersweet like his own and with a message of comfort.

And then he enters, not fazed by his father's lack of a greeting, into this normal house. And he knows that whoever passes in that moment won't notice anything. Because it isn't visible, not really.

Thank you for reading. I know it's short, and it's not much.

Please, please tell me your opinion on this. I'm inexperienced and a beginner and I would love to know of ways to improve my stories.

A huge thank you to my wonderful beta MisaxMisa. You've been a great help.

Is this something you want to read more of? Should I make this a klaine, multichaptered fic?


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